Specialists Weigh in on Where We're Headed

By Barbara F. Meltz, Globe Columnist  |  January 6, 2005

Each generation of parents whines that the issues it faces are infinitely more difficult than those the previous generation had to deal with. You know what? This time it really is true, and I'm not just saying that as a parent myself. Well, maybe I am, a little bit anyway.

Sure, it was hard to separate teen girls in the '60s from their Princess telephones. But can you really compare that to the dangers of chat rooms? Or to cyberbullying posed by instant messaging? And yes, Jagger's gyrations were scandalous. But his lyrics were about sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll, not exactly on a par with the glorification of violence, greed, and misogyny found in much of today's rap music. And violence? Even the Power Rangers seem tame now compared with how gratuitous and commonplace violence is today, even in a family-friendly movie like "The Incredibles."

Heading into a new year is always a good time to look back as well as ahead. We asked a range of people who care about children to identify problems that parents today must confront. Judging from their answers, there is indeed reason to think this generation of parents is in uncharted territory.

Question: What are the three most pressing issues facing parents today?

T. Berry Brazelton

Pediatrician, best-selling author, including "Touchpoints" (Perseus).

The loneliness of parenting today. Our medical and school systems, our child-support systems -- they aren't working enough on behalf of parents today. There aren't enough supports around for people who don't have family nearby.

The stress we place on women by dividing them in two, expecting them to work and take care of the family, and to do both perfectly.

We are living in a world that is about as unsympathetic to families of children as I can conceive of. Our value systems are war, aggression, money, power. And the concepts that go with them -- materialism, greed, violence -- are being marketed to our children as if it's all OK, the normal way to be.

Juliet Schor

Boston College professor of sociology, author of "Born to Buy: The Commercialized Child."

We will find that toxins, which are proliferating in our food, buildings, and environments, not only cause cancer and other health problems but also are linked to growing rates of ADHD, learning disabilities, behavior problems, depression, and emotional disorders. Recent news from a Japanese study that rats fed pesticides develop aggressive behavior is very troubling.

The increasing link between identity and consumption. As children are raised to believe that who they are is what they have, a healthy and resilient sense of self is compromised. Abundant research shows materialist and consumerist values are linked to a variety of negative emotional outcomes: depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty making good social connections.

That the effects of junk food are more varied that currently believed. That they cause not only weight gain, but also emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, boredom, and impulsive behavior.

L. Brent Bozell

Founder and president of Parents Television Council (parentstv.org).

Protecting children from television, the internet, and video games. All three have programming and commercials that are produced for and marketed to children, but the material is designed to rob them of their innocence by flooding them with adult matter that they can't process and shouldn't have to confront.

Increasing parental presence and interaction with children. I'll steal a line from Senator [Joe] Lieberman, who points out that many parents spend time at the dinner hour teaching a couple lessons to their children, but what if the rest of the children's evening is spent in front of some entertainment medium that teaches the opposite values? There is a crying need for greater personal parental involvement in children's lives.

Putting books back in children's lives. As a CEO of a company, I find it a great challenge to find people who know how to write. It's because, as children, they weren't taught to read. Instead, children are allowed the easy way out, sitting hours in front of a TV or computer, passively entertained. You never hear of a movie being "better than the book," because they never are. A child who loses himself in the written word learns about the wondrous world of imagination while simultaneously learning to think -- and write -- critically.

Crista Martinez

Executive director of Families First Parenting Programs, Cambridge (families-first.org).

Discipline. Parents today are really confused about how much or how little to discipline. Economic reality dictates that both parents work, which means families have less time together and more pressures on the time they have. Plus, parents are exhausted. The result is that they tend to be either so anxious for that time together to be pleasant that they are overly permissive, or they are guilt-ridden at being away so much, which drives them to overdo 'because I said so' authoritarianism. Either way, there's potential damage to children's social and emotional growth.

Technology. It holds wonderful promise and connections but it also takes children away from interacting with people in person, both in the family and in the larger world. That's a huge challenge to social and emotional development. It's also a challenge for parents to know how to monitor and control cellphones, the internet, and instant messaging.

Personal safety. I know parents today who are too worried to let their children play alone in the yard. How do you strike a balance between allowing children enough autonomy to develop a sense of competence and confidence and still keep them safe? It's a struggle, especially to do it without unnecessarily frightening children.

Len Cabral

Storyteller and author. His latest CD is "buzz buzz once there was."

The marketing to children of fear, and the obsession with making people fear one another. For example, ethnic stereotyping, homophobia, terrorism, AIDS, and no-child-left-behind testing. This fear narrows children's perspective and affects their health, their thinking process, and their reactions to people and things around them.

Television and video games have become the storyteller in way too many households. This is the first sign of the disconnect in society. It separates families physically (TV in the kids' bedroom) and stems reading and conversation. It hinders education, communication, and, more importantly, a child's imagination and creativity.

The disconnect in today's society. Are we giving our children the tools they need to combat it? I'm talking about the attitude of 'why should I care?' 'not my responsibility,' and feeling powerless in affecting the community in which we live. This disconnected feeling allows some to justify greed and others to justify meanness and selfishness. It crushes children's hope, dampens creativity, and deadens the spirit.

Linda Mason

Chairwoman and founder of Bright Horizons Family Solutions day-care centers; author of "The Working Mother's Guide to Life" (Three Rivers Press).

The ability to balance home and work. Strong, competitive employers will continue to need to adapt to parents' needs for child care, flexible work hours, telecommuting, and supervisors who understand that employees do well at work when they have support at home.

Shrinking pillars of support. Strong support networks are the secret to successful parenting, but increasingly parents have fewer built-in support structures. They need to be active in recreating these support networks in nontraditional ways: revitalizing the neighborhood and turning close friendships into the new extended family unit.

Valuing the creative spirit. In today's world of TV and video games, mass-produced products and omnipresent branded celebrity products, there always seems to be the "must-have" toy, jeans, or snack food. We need to reintroduce ourselves and our children to the creative spirit and the need for relaxed, unstructured time to play. There will always be pressure to "fit in," but we have to nourish the qualities and talents that make our children unique and, even more importantly, teach children to value them as well.

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