Families First's 4th Annual Father's Breakfast drew over two hundred fathers to the State Room at 60 State Street on the morning of May 19, for breakfast, networking, and to hear guest speaker Dr. Robert Brooks. Dr Brooks, internationally renowned author and lecturer, introduced himself by sharing his own experience as the parent of two sons. Now that one of his sons has become a father himself, Dr. Brooks sees him doing many of the same things that he did as a father, such as taking his child out for special one on one time once a week.

Dr. Brooks posed this thought provoking question to the audience; what are three of your most difficult moments and three of your most satisfying moments as a parent? Often our most difficult and satisfying moments as a parent are the same.

Dr. Brooks shared a personal story about the birth of his first son. Holding his son in his arms for the first time, he thought about his own childhood and couldn't help wondering how his parents may have felt when he was born. He described the moment when he became overwhelmed with feelings as he realized his son would grow to have thoughts, feelings, and words to describe him as a father. He asks; Mom and Dad, what was going through your mind when I was born?

What words would you like your child to use when describing you as a parent versus what words they actually use?

What do you think are the most important words your child can use to describe you? Make a list of these words. Often what we list says a lot about our expectations for ourselves and our children. Then make a list of the actual words your child uses. How do they compare? We need to be empathetic, to see the world through our child's eyes.

Dr. Brooks believes that empathy is the hallmark of emotional intelligence, generally defined as the ability to monitor one's own or others' emotions. Emotional intelligence plays a major role in success and happiness in life. Talk in a way that you would want your child to hear you.

How can we help children develop characteristics to make them resilient when faced with adversity?

Some children, even when faced with challenges, grow up to be happy and healthy. Why is this? Dr. Brooks describes this as the "resilient mindset", a way of seeing the world.

When adults were asked what helped them to survive the hard times, the number one answer provided was that someone believed in them. Dr. Brooks refers to these encouraging people in a child's life as "Charismatic Adults", someone from whom a child gathers strength and who can bring out the best in people. Dr. Brooks continued to ask; who was a Charismatic Adult in your life and what three people in your life would list you as their Charismatic Adult?

How can you become a Charismatic Adult?

Be empathetic and never deny you child's problems, but look for their strengths to build from. Dr. Brooks calls these strengths a child's "islands of competence". You can't fix problems, unless you can see their strengths. Shift the focus, to seeing what is right with people.

• Be empathetic
• Look for strengths
• Accept children for who they are, rather than who we want them to be

Dr. Brooks stated that there is an inborn need in children to help others. Find ways for children to help others. Children notice whether their parents and families are involved in charitable activities. Act as a role model for caring. We feel less stressed when we help others.

Children who are resilient are able to make and learn from mistakes. If they are not resilient, they find others to blame. What can we do? Use mistakes as teachable moments, do not scold or belittle the child. You can not be resilient if you are afraid of making mistakes. Resilient people use their mistakes as an opportunity to learn.

Dr. Brooks reminded the audience that discipline comes for the word disciple, and that discipline is a teaching process. Children must learn about natural consequences and ownership. When a child makes a mistake, it is important for us to remain calm. Children learn from us, and they benefit from positive feedback and encouragement.

Dr. Brooks closed with a final story about his own father, who has passed away. While saying goodbye to his father at a Florida airport, his father spoke his final words to him. Through out his life Dr. Brooks' father always took the time let his children know how special they were to him, and although he did not realize that these would be his last words to his son, he said "you are so important to me". Dr. Brooks reminded us all to take every opportunity to build children up and let them know that they are special and important to you.