LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN

Are you noticing changes in their behavior? What are they asking with their questions? What are they saying and what are they doing? Their words, actions, and behaviors may tell you what they are thinking and feeling and what they need to know. Give focused attention. Let your child talk first and reflect back what you hear. End the conversation when your child loses interest.

ANSWER CHILDREN'S QUESTIONS HONESTLY AND SIMPLY

Your child's age and ability to understand the issues of war should determine your responses to their questions and comments.

• Children 2 years and younger will not understand what is happening in the world, but can sense tension and anxiety in their environment. It is important to maintain regular routines, including relaxing times.
• Children, 3-5 years old confuse facts with fantasy. Give no more information than is asked for. They need reassurance that they and their families are not in danger and that responsible adults are making sure they are safe. You can talk about people who protect and care for communities. Some children may prefer to draw, paint or engage in dramatic play to express their feelings.
• School aged children will be very concerned about safety and separation. They may ask specific questions about the war, Saddam Hussein or the Iraqi people. First, find out what they heard. Then, correct any incorrect information they may have received. You can explain to them that people have differences of opinion. It is also okay to let them know that you don't have all the answers.
• Middle School and High School children may be interested and intrigued by the politics of a situation and feel a need to take a stand or action. They are concerned about concepts of ethics and justice and may show a desire to be involved in related political or charitable activities. Even if you disagree with what your child has to say, listen and respect his/her point of view.

MINIMIZE CHILDREN'S EXPOSURE TO MEDIA

Be sure that you and your childcare providers shut the television and radio off. When children are exposed to TV, watch with them. Don't be afraid to show your child honest feelings of sadness, confusion, fear, etc., but express confidence that grown-ups are working hard to solve the problems.

CURB YOUR OWN TELEVISION VIEWING

It can be easy to get caught up watching around-the-clock coverage of the conflicts. Too often this can raise your own anxiety level that your children may be able to sense.

FIND THINGS TO DO THAT ARE ENJOYABLE

Don't forget that by having fun and playing together, children are able to experience and internalize a sense of security about their own lives. This also helps to foster resiliency in your children.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Monitor your own stress, find ways to speak, write, draw and process your own feelings and concerns - out of children's earshot. Connect with something larger than yourself. Attend a discussion group, community gatherings and religious services, walk or swim. Engage in useful, distracting and calming activities, such as exercising, working, cooking. You will be modeling how to cope with worries. Being calm helps your children know you are in control and doing the best to make sure they are safe.

WEB SITES with Materials to Help Educators & Parents Help Children Deal with War and Violence:

• National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
• Public Broadcasting System has prepared, Talking with Kids about War and Violence
• Educators for Social Responsibility has prepared: Talking With Children About War and Violence
• Perdue University child development web site
  
• Bright Horizons
  (Download: What Happened to the World? Helping Children Cope in Turbulent Times, 2001 by Jim Greenman)
• The United Nations
• The New York University Child Study Center
• National Association of School Psychologists
• Wisdom from Mr. Rogers about children and war