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It is important for parents to take the time and separate their needs for approval from children from children's needs for clear and consistent limits. Parents are often reluctant to frustrate children by not letting them do what they want to do, which can interfere with limit setting and creating the sense of security and safety that all children need. For example: "We don't have much time before bed tonight so I can read only one story. Let's plan on an extra story this weekend when we can both relax;" or, "I know you feel disappointed when I get home late from work and our time together is short. I feel that way too."
Praise children for specific accomplishments and efforts…
Praising children in genuine and specific ways is one of the most important ways that parents can help children build a positive and authentic sense of self. Excessive praise runs the risk of sounding empty and eventually falls on deaf ears. For example: "I notice how you helped your brother with homework even though you have a lot of work to do yourself. That was a generous thing to do."
Help children develop coping skills for dealing with down time and avoid over scheduling…
Overscheduling can impinge on children's abilities to become independent and learn to manage their own time. It can be particularly hard for parents to set limits on children's activities when there are few, if any, financial restraints.
Separate your own ambitions for your children from their unique abilities as individuals…
Parents often have preconceived ideas about their children's talents and abilities and by their own hopes and ambitions. It is always useful to 'step back' and help children discover their own interests and talents. For example: "It seems that you are losing interest in the piano and that playing guitar is something you love more. It is true that I hoped you'd continue with piano but that may not be best for you.
Communicate openly with children about wealth and money and share your own feelings if necessary…
Talking with children about money and family finances can be tricky and awkward for parents and how much to reveal to children is a complicated one. However, it is often wise to be honest about some of the worries and dilemmas you are experiencing on their behalf and involve them in discussion. " You know we can afford to buy a TV for your room, that's not the issue here. We really don't like the idea of you watching television by yourself in your own room…Let's talk about why."
Build a sense of responsibility in children and help them make the connection between work and rewards…
When families have sufficient household help and may not need their children to pick up their rooms or take out the trash, it is still important to require reasonable contributions and build a sense of responsibility both in the home and community.
Clarify your values and priorities and try to 'step back' from the pressure to acquire…
It can be hard to resist the materialism that often accompanies affluence. Whenever possible, step back to reevaluate priorities and assess the values you are conveying to your children.
Spend unstructured time together…
Spending time with children is one of the most important ways to promote healthy family relationships. Affluent, high achieving parents often need permission to just 'be' with their children and let their children 'be children'. It is important for parents to recognize the value of spontaneous, 'hanging out time' where no one feels pressured to perform or compete.
Acknowledge children's feelings…
Acknowledging children's feelings is an extremely powerful and effective strategy for parents to learn. Children feel understood and are more likely to cooperate when parents take the time to consider their feelings. For example: I know that you are disappointed that I can't go on your class trip this time. I wish I could go too. Let's find out when the next trip is and I'll try to free up my schedule;" or, "I can see how angry you are that your play date is over but you may not hit me!"
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